Prince of Bad Timing
by Jadet
Summary: Just another look at how Ranma and Akane's wedding *could* go... Very tongue in cheek!


The entire audience groaned, Ranma and Akane loudest of them all

Disclaimer: I don't own Ranma ½ or any of its characters. … duh.

Author's note: I wrote this a long time ago when I was in a silly mood. My tongue-in-cheek response to all those stories where Ranma and Akane try to get married and something happens. I had fun playing with the clichés too. Hehe. Enjoy!

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Prince of Bad Timing

A Ranma ½ fanfiction

By Jadet

Copyright 08'

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The plan was nearly foolproof.

The invitations to the infamous Ranma Saotome and Akane Tendo wedding (infamous, in this case, because it had happened so many times before without actually _ending_) were sent out only an hour in advance to a select group of people. As a result, most of the guests looked rather harried and mismatched in their formal wear. But, on the bright side, it didn't give anyone time to plan anything destructive either.

Certain _elements_ were also taken care of by Nabiki, for a price of course. Thus, one okonomiyaki chef was out of town competing in a last minute culinary competition for up-and-coming chefs. She would win, hands down, because the judges were too scared to go against their financial backer and her mercenary style of business. Likewise, our favorite Chinese restaurant was surprised by a sudden visit from the health department (following an anonymous tip) and was quickly failed when several duck droppings and cat hair were found in the kitchen. Cat Café was closed while the health department officials watched the three Chinese owners scour the restaurant top to bottom.

Yes, the plan was nearly foolproof.

But, of course, nothing is that easy when it involves Ranma and Akane.

A mere two minutes into the ceremony, while the audience fought boredom and the family of the bride and groom were on high alert, a cliché white stallion and his rider crashed through the dojo doors.

The entire audience groaned, Ranma and Akane loudest of them all.

Soun stood, mentally praying to any god listening for this stranger to leave quietly and preferably without property damage. "And who might you be, young man?" He asked, already dreading the answer.

"I am the Prince of Bad Timing!"

"Yeah, no kidding," Ranma muttered, throwing an exasperated look at Akane. He could see she was trying to stay calm, but there a nasty twitch near her right eye. Ranma was only glad he wasn't the one on the receiving end this time.

"And I am here in search of a bride to break my curse!" The prince proclaimed proudly, oblivious to the fact his horse had started to munch on one guest's hat.

"Of course you are," Ranma drawled, mentally trying to tally which number this particular prince was. Number thirty-six? Thirty-seven?

"Um, excuse me, if you don't mind…" Akane tried to break in, but was ignored as the Prince continued to talk over her.

"It was prophesized upon my birth that in the year of the Horse, in the seventh month, on the seventh day, in the seventh hour, in the seventh minute that I would discover my true love! And that day is upon us and… hey!" he cried, noticing the couple in front of him had turned back around and were motioning the priest to hurry up.

The couple ignored the yelling prince and concentrated on the priest. Both had a desperate gleam in their eyes which the priest took to mean, "hurry the hell up!" He tried, but there was only so fast you could say all the words with the right feeling, you know?

In the meantime, the prince was thrown off his horse when it had decided to swing around at the very instant he wished to dismount. Due to aerodynamics and a lot of bad luck, the resulting fall had him landing in a rather ungainly heap between the engaged couple's feet. The prince also had the misfortune to land in just a way that he now had the perfect view up the bride's dress, which led him to the conclusion she had a fine pair of legs even when her foot descended to smash his face into the floor.

Picking himself up and ignoring the dirty looks the two people were giving him, the prince focused on the girl. Why hadn't he realized it? It was the seventh hour! A little past the seventh minute, maybe, but here a girl was in her wedding dress! It was a sign from the gods! This wedding gown-clad goddess gazing dreamily at him was his destined love!

Ranma was beginning to feel a bit testy that, once again, his wedding was getting crashed by some idiot. Not to mention the idiot prince's adoring gaze on Akane was irking the hell out of him. "Oi, if you don't mind, we were kinda busy."

He went ignored as the prince spontaneously grabbed Akane's hands and conveyed his love for her through his eyes. Akane narrowed her own in reaction.

"My dear, forgive me! I know I was blind before, but now I see! You are the one meant for me, my destined fiancé!"

"And how do you figure that?" Akane asked, feeling her eye twitch grow just a bit bigger.

The prince patted her hand and talked slowly, as if to a child. "Why, because you're in a wedding dress, my love. It is a sign from the gods that we were meant to be!"

"Actually," she bit out, pulling her hands from his rather weak grasp and planting them on her hips. "I'm in a wedding dress because I'm marrying Ranma. Now if you'll please leave, then…"

"Egads, no!" The prince looked truly horrified. "Have you yet wed?!"

She blinked, and looked around him to Ranma. He was miming wringing the prince's neck. She sighed and looked back to the prince. "Well, no, not yet. But if you'll just give us another minute…"

"Thank the heavens! I knew there must be a reason for my arrival, and there was! Not only do I find you, rose of my heart, but also to save you from an unwanted marriage!"

"Hey!" Ranma said, arms stiff by his side. "Who needs saving, you jerk?!"

"I would really like to finish a sentence, you know!" Akane growled at the same time.

The prince looked confused, unsure who to address first. He started to open his mouth.

"Oh, and I don't need rescuing," Akane said as an after thought.

"Gee, thanks," Ranma muttered, glaring at his would-be bride. She shrugged in apology.

"Anyway," the priest interjected, having continued with his touching, thoroughly moving sermon about love, fidelity, and marriage (which was pretty good, if he said so himself. He'd have to remember that analogy of marriage to an okonomiyaki for future use). Three sets of eyes landed on him, wide-eyed at his moving words no doubt, and he beamed at them. "Do you have the rings?"

Akane and Ranma froze. "Uh…" they said, intellectually.

"I do!" Nabiki said, stepping up to the priest and handing him a box. She looked the fidgeting prince up and down and smiled. "Hey, Princey, come here a second. I think I might be able to solve your bride problem." She hooked a friendly arm around his neck and started dragging him away. Akane would owe her later, she thought smugly.

"Ummm…" the prince said, reaching hopefully toward his true love. Something about this short brown haired woman scared the medieval crap out of him. But his beautiful gem just gazed blankly back at him. Must not realize the gravity of the situation, he thought sadly and disappeared from view.

"Now, if you two are ready," the priest intoned, bringing the couples attention back to him. They blushed but nodded passionately.

"Do you, Akane Tendou, take Ranma Saotome to be your husband, in sickness and in health, in happiness and sadness, in good time and bad, through rain or shine, regardless of any obstacles that may get in your way, for the rest of your life, no matter what? Because if you don't this would be the time to say it."

The priest thought the young woman looked ready to hit him, for what he couldn't be certain, but she calmed and nodded.

"I do." She blushed and glanced at Ranma. He blushed in return.

The priest nodded sagely. "Then Ranma, do you take Akane Tendou to be your wife, in sickness and in health, in happiness and sadness, in…" he trailed off, noting the young woman wasn't the only one who seemed to want to hit him now; her groom did too. He cleared his throat and tried brevity. "Erm, do you want her?"

"I- I- I…" Ranma stuttered, cherry red at the priest's unique phrasing. His bride reached over and stomped on his foot. "I do!" He rushed, though he looked sick.

The priest nodded and looked at the audience, who for the most part had a glazed look on their faces. There was only so many times you could attend the same wedding and stay interested. Besides, most of them really came for the food.

The priest cleared his throat, in part because it was the priestly thing to do, but also because he really wanted everyone's attention. "And does anyone have any reason why these two should not mar-" both bride and groom had hastily reached over and covered his mouth, surprising him.

"Er, you know, maybe you could…" Akane started.

"Skip that part," Ranma finished, hastily looking around.

The priest shrugged and, once they had removed their hands, cleared his throat again. "Well, then, if you insist…"

"We do!" both yelled.

Kids these days, the priest thought sourly. Didn't appreciate the very important tradition behind each part! Oh well. "Then I pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride."

The newly married couple released a breath, and looked at each other. Stared, actually, and for about a fairly boring minute. Relief and happiness were prominent, but before the priest could repeat the last part again and nudge them along, they lunged forward to briefly touch lips.

The audience cheered, everyone thought, "Finally!" and got up in search of food, and left Ranma and Akane to smile rather idiotically at each other.

The prince suddenly reappeared beside the couple again, though this time he was gazing mournfully at his wallet. Ranma and Akane exchanged looks as he sighed, put this wallet back, and clapped a sympathetic hand on Akane's shoulder.

"Alas, my timing was indeed a thing of bad luck! Married, and not to me," he bemoaned. There were tears in his eyes as he gazed at Akane. She tried not to growl at him. "But take comfort, jewel of my heart, for I will always love you and think of you even when we are miles apart."

"Thanks," Akane intoned and brushed his hand off her shoulder. Ranma simply glared at the back of the prince's head.

The prince nodded and seemed to gather himself up. With a bow, he swiveled on his heel and promptly tripped. The couple simply watched as he stumbled his way to his horse, stopped at its side, and then jumped up into the saddle as if nothing had happened.

"Oh, and young man!" The prince waved at Ranma just in case there was any doubt. "Beware my sister, Princess of Really Bad Luck! She, too, is looking for a mate. But, unlike me, she's not the most fun to be around!"

And, with that, he crashed through another wall, yelped in pain, and was gone.

Ranma looked at Akane just in time to see his own grimace mirrored in her face.

"Well, that's just…" Ranma started.

"Great," Akane finished.

Then they shrugged at each other and followed the smell of food.

Oh well.

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Hope you enjoyed! Rate and review… if you dare! Lol.


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